Missed

This is another holiday that I am not with my family. I  hate that I am so happy I'm alone. I used to dread going to church and the grandmothers for dinner afterwards.

Now.........I slightly miss it. Just a little. I wonder if they actually miss my bad attitude as well. My grumbling and complaining. Actually, I know full well they don't miss me. They miss who I used to be. A person who no longer exists. A person who will never again live, only to feel like she is dying every day of her existence. So in a way I am glad to be alone on this day. I guess I must be used to the fights and the hostility. I wish they missed me......