Sleep

I want to sleep. I want to lose consciousness of this mundane, yet painful thing most people call; Life. The two parts of me who constantly struggle to find balance feel different things. The logical side tells me I never had anything to begin with, so I am being stupid in thinking I have actually lost something. The other emotional side wants to hold on to the thing I never actually had. That side has hope that i so frequently kill in order to protect myself. I wanted to let it live, just this once. i thought that maybe, maybe I was entitled to a small amount of happiness. But when I was honest, I found that happiness, was never meant to be.  I've begun to worry if I will always be close to happiness, but never actually get any.  I wanted him. Immensely. Now I see the person he is, and I normally pretty tolerant, but with him, there are some things that I can't deal with. I don't know what I want from him now. He told me to sleep on it. I was going to sleep my entire weekend away. I didn't. Because other people need me. Even though he doesn't. Still............I want to sleep.