Believing in Circular Thinking

F my L!!! ARGH!!! Sorry, minor meltdown over here. I can't seem to get the fact that you can;t do anything about someone not liking you. I mean as more then a friend. Well, I don't know for sure, but, really? I am sure that even though his words don't match his actions, there is something there. I guess, I hope there is. Again, I am sorry, that this has turned into a rant about "Him". But now that I am living out from underneath my parents roof, I feel the need to seize every opportunity as it comes. But why I don't know. That is the hardest part. Knowing why you choose to be a certain way, is never an easy thing to do. I want to believe that sometimes I am a certain way because I choose to be, but most times I wonder if it;s my environment, or my friends wearing off on me. Is any thing I do and feel actually my own, or is it a result of all the things that happen to me? I guess it could be both..........or neither. I have just talked myself in circles. I usually do that.